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I remember you
I remember you








This frantic effort to look half your age is demeaning. A year-and-a-half after Jamie’s death, Katie launched her newsletter, My Sweet Dumb Brain, all about the ups and downs of grief.) Katie Hawkins-Gaar was 31 when her husband, Jamie, collapsed while running a half-marathon and died in 2017. Katie Hawkins-Gaar, from “ I Want to Remember” ( My Sweet Dumb Brain, August 16, 2022.) A newsletter about facing life’s ups and downs, all while being kind to yourself. ) Afterwards, looking through those photographs reminds me how beautiful everyday life can be… As counterintuitive as it may seem, taking photos helps me to stay in the present-signaling that this is a moment to remember. She’s seen these photos a hundred times, and still, they bring joy.

i remember you

“Beep beep!” she cheers, pushing her hand against an imaginary wheel, as she spots an image of herself in the grocery cart that’s shaped like a car. “Mama!” she says, pointing to a photo of me posing for the camera. “Paint!” she shouts, seeing herself trying out watercolors for the first time. She snuggles up in the crook of my arm as we scroll through the same old set of images. “Pick-urs?” she asks, pointing to my phone. I also take photos of her because she loves seeing them. I document her dutifully for a multitude of reasons: because she’s cute, because she grows so quickly, and because I know she’ll have few, if any, memories from this time. The vast majority of the photos I take these days are of my daughter.

I REMEMBER YOU FULL

My phone is full of big and small moments, captured so I don’t forget them.

i remember you

Even if no one else sees them but me, my family, and a few random friends. Before I know it, six weeks have gone by, and I’m left wondering what I did with all that time. Almost all of them are untethered from anything like chronology, just bobbing around together in a two-year-old pandemic stew.” As writer Christine Speer Lejune described it, “Some memories from these pandemic years are sharply vivid others feel as hazy as an old film reel, more like impressions of having done things than memories of actually doing them. And the weeks, months, and years of pandemic life have been increasingly hard to wrap my head around. Days with a toddler are simultaneously long and short. Time feels especially slippery for me lately. Bejan hypothesized that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, which makes time seem to speed up as we age. In 2019, mechanical engineering professor Adrian Bejan presented a peer-reviewed argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. This phenomenon has been well documented by psychologists and average humans alike, but it was only a couple of years ago that we had a physical explanation for our changing perception of time.

i remember you

The older we get, the more rapidly time seems to move.








I remember you